I have a friend who I don’t see as much any more, but when we meet up, he only talks about his problems and his life. He hardly asks what’s up with me. When I mention something about my life, he barely shows interest, and then goes back to talking about himself. What should I do? He’s got a lot going on, but this doesn’t feel like a friendship. Do I have to point this out to him? Can we still be friends?
Emily (On a 7-hour delay back to Chicago)
I would probably be like, “Is everything okay? Is there something going on in your life where you’re just not focused on anyone else?” I’d probably try to figure out if there was some kind of underlying issue, if I really care about that person. Maybe they’re just like “Aw man, I haven’t been able to focus on anything else yet.” But after that, if they don’t share any interest in me, then I’d just be like, “Okay, maybe you’re not being the best friend right now.”
Jigzy & Bill (Going to Colombia)
J I think you gotta say something to the guy because, you know, if you don’t say nothing, nothing’s gonna happen. An acknowledgment of the problem is the first step to solving the problem. You know what I mean? Straight up, no need to be nice about it. Just tell him, just be like, “Yo, I don’t give a fuck.” You know, maybe I do give a fuck. Depends on what they’re talking about, but still, it’s not always one-sided.
B If it continues, it’s done. I can’t complain; I did my part and that’s it. That’s all I can do.
J Mans have their own problems to deal with. I can’t babysit no one.
B Exactly. I’ll do what I can in the meantime, but if it continues, what else can I do?
J Everyone’s grown, everyone’s living their own life, so if I’ve been friends with them that long, they shouldn’t be doing that. You gotta know who’s in your circle.
B Facts.
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This article appeared in the 2024 Feb/Mar issue.
